Have you ever seen a film so terrifying bad that you clawed your own eyes out so you wouldn’t have to watch it anymore? If you haven’t, you’ve never seen “Asylum of Terror.” This film is so terrible you won’t believe your eyes or ears. The image quality is one step up from 1980s security camera footage. The audio–my heavens, the audio!–sounds like it was recorded when all of the cast was secluded in a submarine, but the microphone was placed outside the room, maybe at the other end of the submarine, or underwater. When you can hear the dialogue, it’s mainly gibberish and looped screaming. The premise is simple enough: a group of people wander through the world’s lamest haunted house attraction and get slaughtered by a madman who’s lose inside, wearing the makes of several other famous horror icons–and the wrestler Sting, for some reason. Where a good movie might make you try to care for the characters before they start getting killed off, this movie is not a good movie so none of that happens. In fact, the characters are so annoying, you’re actually rooting for their deaths–and this includes two little kids. I would say watch this movie if you want your mouth to hang open for 75 long minutes, but really, it’s not worth it. In fact, just read this Something Awful review of the film here. It’s one-hundred times more enjoyable than the actual movie.
But for those who are wondering… yes, I do kind of enjoy this movie.
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